So many funny quotes!

"Red Dwarf" was probably the best TV show ever created... it is absolutely hilarious! I loved it, and it had no romance in it so it HAD to be really great if I watched it! You can still check this great show out, on PBS - just check your local listings!


Lister: ”Rimmer, can't you tell the story is not gripping me? I am in a state of non-gripness. I am completely smegging ungripp-ed! Shut the smeg up!”

Lister: “Oh smeg. What the smeggin' smeg's he smeggin' done?”

Lister: “Love is what separates us from animals.”
Rimmer: “No, Lister -- what separates us from animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.”

Kryten: “They've taken Mr Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!”
Cat: “Quick! Let's get out of here before they bring him back!”

Rimmer: “Step up to red alert!”
Kryten: “Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.”

Rimmer: “People always leave me. I had a pet lemming once. I loved that little lemming. I even built a ledge so he could hurl himself off of. One Christmas morning I put my finger into his cage to give him some mince pie; he bit me. He sunk his teeth into my hand. That little lemming broke my heart. I had to smash his brains out on the wall. The little git completely ruined my helicopter wall paper.”

Cat: “S-E-X I think I want it… S-E-X I think I’ll get it… (sees Lister lying on floor) S-E-X I think I found it…”

Rimmer: “You're about as much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.”

Rimmer: “Have you any idea what kind of day I've had? I've been kidnapped, stripped, oiled, menaced, manacled, licked, nibbled, chained, tortured, humiliated, and I nearly had a knobbly thing the size and shape of a Mexican agave cactus jammed up where only customs men dare to probe!”

Rimmer: “Errr... has anybody seen my legs? They don't appear to be below my waist, where I normally keep them.”

-Rimmer says, man is better than machine…
Lister: “I had this Geography teacher Miss Foster, she took us on a school summer camp trip to the Ganwee. I had the tent next to her, right. And in the middle of the night I was woken up by this really weird noise. She didn't think men were better than machines.”

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